Taking Time to Pause

I feel like every week I am learning more about life and just why I am here in Virgina. This week my mind has been stuck on what my future holds. For the past couple weeks have been pushing it to the back burner because when I think about it I get overwhelmed. I had a great talk with Pastor and his wife a couple weeks ago and they both reminded me how hard it has been for me and all that I am truly dealing with. They said this all takes time and it is not typical that it would all happen overnight. Summing it all up to "It is ok to not be ok all the time". I always want to be the tough one, but dealing with it that way that does not always work. I know that is how I tend to deal with things and it does work sometimes, but talking with people and asking for help can always help to make the burden lighter.

On July 24th I packed all my belongings in my little car and moved to Virgina. I had visited Virgina twice before, but they were very short visits and I did not get to know a whole lot of people. When I moved Lolo was here for a day and then had to leave the next morning. I know I blogged about all of that, but the emotions of having a best friend now 12 hours from me is still hard now. There are days that I just miss being able to have coffee and talk about our week or just eat junk food together and watch a show because we both had hard weeks. It is not easy to miss out on the little things that happen that we forget to text about or that we don't tell the other person because we both are so busy. Distance is different and hard but the Lord has alot that He wants to do with us both so we just have to obey and follow Him. He won't forget about our friendship and I know that we will get to see each other again soon :)

Along these same lines of moving I want to tell you all about Joseph. I have prayed and really thought hard about when I would be ready to write all this down, as I have shared many times before with my writing I want to be honest and transparent...life is not always easy. After moving here I quickly was overwhelmed by many different things (my apartment, getting a job, making friends, dealing with a tight budget, and now living close to Joseph) and it all was so much to take in. We had been long distance our whole dating relationship (other then the three weeks we visited each other) so this was all new for both of us. I knew emotionally I was dealing with so much and it was hard to pinpoint where and why I was feeling the way I was. It was very hard to talk to people because I felt like no one really understood where I was coming from (I truly believe that is why Jesus gave me the friendship I have with Barbra). Only after being here a week and a half I felt like it was not fair nor did Joseph deserve to be on this crazy ride with me, I realized very quickly that I was simply not ready to be in a dating relationship. I talked with my Dad about ending the relationship and I knew that this was something I needed to do. Here I am in a place I don't know anything about and everyone that I did know was because of my relationship with Joseph and now I have to say that I can't continue in the relationship...yeah it scared me to death. I knew I would hurt him badly and I was so worried of what people would say and think of me, but is that worth holding on to something and forcing it to work because of that? It was not easy in anyway at all, but knowing I did the right thing came with so much peace and comfort. My mind was spinning though with do I still go to the same church? Will I still be able to stay in the Pastors basement? Can I still have those mutual friendships that I had made? Will I ever be able to talk to him as just a friend? Will the people at church not love me because I broke it off? All these where questions that were running in my mind, and the Lord has since answered every one of them! The one that has most recently been answered was the one about Joseph just being a friend and nothing more. There was a good amount of time that went by that it was awkward to see him at church and I did not know whether I needed to say something or he was going to. One week he came up to me and just asked how I had been doing and how I was liking my job. I asked him questions about his health and how school was going, and it was a great conversation. I was so glad the awkwardness was gone and I am happy that he can still be a friend and nothing more. The people at church never treated me any differently and I can't tell you how huge that has been for me. My church family encourages me every week and loves me for who I am and not because of a title I use to hold. Not every church would be able to do that so I am blessed forsure! I just wanted to share this with you because this is now a small part of who I am. I hope I won't have to go through something like this again, but if I do I know that God is sovereign and will never leave me nor forsake me.        

When you are in the Lords will, where you are suppose to be, and following what He has for you He will bless you. I got the biggest blessing yesterday at work, they approved my request for time off before Christmas!!!!!!! I will be able to go to Vermont and spend the whole WEEK with my family!!!!!!!! I have been praying and hoping that it would all work out and it has! I cant WAIT to see my family and be there during the Christmas season, it is one of the most special times to get to be with family! I will have to stay here in Virgina for Thanksgiving, but I will be thankful that Christmas will be spent with family. :) <3

On Friday night I came right home after work trying to beat the storm, but did not make it. The clouds were really neat looking and the breeze was so refreshing so it made the traffic not seem so bad.

When I got home Pastor was making his famous scrambled eggs for dinner. He invited me to come up and have dinner and watch a Hallmark movie with them. While I waited for dinner I went and sat on the front porch to relax and watch the rain and lightning. Dinner was delicious and it was so nice to just sit and watch a movie and have nothing on my mind and nowhere to go. Saturday morning I got up to get my clothes washed and all my meals cooked for this week! I got excited when I saw my apples were perfect to make some applesauce with! Applesauce is one of my favorite things to eat and make because it smells like fall while is simmers and tastes so yummy.

I also wanted to make some almond milk to use for my oatmeal! So I soaked my almonds overnight (before and after pic) and then blended them up with water the next day! As you can see in the picture I did not strain out the milk, since I am using it in oatmeal it will be just fine to keep the meal in it to get the extra texture.

Also on Saturday I went shopping for some things to make minion cupcakes for the Roundy's anniversary. I went at 4:00 to babysit their kiddos so they could have dinner and go to a movie. We had a ton of fun baking, decorating, blowing up balloons, and wrapping presents!

When cooking dinner for a bunch of growing boys (and one middle school girl)  you learn to make a good amount of Mac&Cheese :p 

The kids had so much fun with the cupcakes and I was really impressed at how well they all turned out.  

After everything was ready for them when they got home we did baths and then played games. Andrew (their 6 year old) played me in scrabble and beat me bad :) It was so interesting the way he would spell things because they made more sense then the way we actually spell things! He was so proud of himself as he kept track of our points as well. 

We had so much fun and the kids were so proud and excited when they got to show their parents all we had been working on while they were gone.

 It was such a great night! This family means so much to me, and I am so thankful that we were able to reconnect many years later! I always leave their house looking forward to the next time that I get to go and hang out.

I forgot to talk about my work week ;) It was a good one, we had a maxed out room all week until Friday. Friday I was alone with 4 kids and I don't mind that at all because it is so much quieter. Sadly I don't get tomorrow off because we has the first part of our CPR training, but hey looking on the bight side it is a super hero theme and I am going as Batgirl! I am going to make it fun and hey maybe it will make the day go by a little faster.

I better get ready for tomorrow because I get to have a phone date with Lolo tonight! I hope you all have a wonderful week and if you get tomorrow off enjoy it for me!

With a pinch of love,

Lil'Chef